I remember praying for the patience to just be present in each moment and not worry myself about the next ones; it’s so much easier to say than it is to do it, it takes a lot of practice, but lucky for me, My Higher Powers that be, have given me a lot of opportunities. Go ahead and insert a chuckle here, or at least a half ass smile, because I know that when you read that line you did one of the two! ;)
It’s because some part of you related to that statement, you thought about all the moments in life that you have felt tested, but that smile that you get comes from the knowledge that you did indeed come through some shit and here you are, still standing and still moving forward. Recognize that in yourself, hug yourself, be proud of yourself; you’ve earned it. Nothing was given to you without a lesson along the way, but when you stop and think about it, would you want it any other way? Would you want everything just within your reach or are you happy that you have to climb up to reach something more?
I’m a reacher myself. I like a challenge, and I like to win when it really matters; when I have truly earned it. And how funny is it that in understanding that about myself, I also understand that I look for the same attributes in a partner. I want a Reacher; a man who has the presence of a regal lion, strong and solid by my side, mixed with the perfect balance of compassion and affection to hold my tender heart when it aches; a noble King who knows humility and is man enough to bow, but possesses a warrior heart; and will fight for me and with me when it’s needed because he loves me enough to.
It all sounds like the old fairy tale bullshit, I know; except nobody writes fairy tales about two people falling in love and fighting with each other, at least not in the versions I read growing up! And herein lies our problem boys and girls, we were all mislead! We were fed spoonfuls of chocolate covered bullshit all of our lives, because very simply put no one ever told us that we would need someone who could fight with us just as well as they could fight for us. I’m not speaking to every single person out there, but I am speaking to those of you who understand what I am talking about, because if this makes sense to you, it’s an affirmation that you were meant to pick this up and read it right in this moment in your life, because it feels like I am talking directly to YOU doesn’t it? I am! I am talking to YOU!
You know, Dr Phil wrote about “life changing” moments in one of his books, and he said we have merely a handful of moments that really and truly alter the path of our lives. I pondered over that for days, replaying the scenes of my life and evaluating how I felt and how they had impacted me; I asked myself what I learned from each and how it all connected to the Me of today. I pin pointed some things, but the bottom line was and is that all of a sudden I understood WHY. I knew for the first time why I have endured so many of the things I have, and why I have done some of the things I have done.
How can you recognize something that makes you happy if you’ve never known what it feels like to be sad? How can you know how not to hurt someone if you have never been hurt yourself? How can you love someone else, without knowing what love feels like in the first place? YOU are that first place.
I can’t tell you how long it takes, or what you will go through on your way, but I will tell you that one day you will love yourself enough to step up in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes and little by little you will begin to wipe off all of those things you thought were horrible mistakes across your face, then you will move down your neck to your chest, right there over your heart and wipe away all those things people told you were bad about you, keep moving, keep wiping yourself off, get all that dirt off your skin; that’s right, it feels good doesn’t it? Have the tears welled up in your eyes yet, because if you surrender completely in this moment and genuinely feel what you are doing, they will. And it is a beautiful thing; it’s one of your life changing moments.
Eventually you will step in front of that same mirror and only notice the warm tones in your skin or the sparkle in your eyes, and when you get a spot or two of dirt on you, you just gently acknowledge it and then wipe it clean because it doesn’t stay etched on your skin anymore, it’s just a temporary smudge that can be cleaned up. That’s how we have to look at this game called Life, it will always offer obstacles and put the things we want up on the high shelf so that we really have to stretch to get it; but think about how good it feels when you stretch your muscles just beyond that comfort zone; it’s exhilarating!
Some of the most incredible moments of personal growth came when I was the least comfortable, and had to really stretch. And I regret none of them; even when I stretched too far and felt how fragile it all could be.
I see myself as though I am in a circle, part of it and surrounded by it all at the same time; and just like a soldier goes out into battle armed with weapons and protection, so too do I. Life tosses you into the ring and then begins slinging things and situations at you, so if I have learned anything, it’s that with the right protection, I can’t be defeated, even though I will take some hits and get knocked down a time or two. I know you don’t want to have to do that; take a hit and get knocked down, I mean, but it is inevitable if you want to achieve success. I’m not talking about success of the material kind here, but more so a deeper, inner reward that you will gain. A sense that you really have accomplished something; if I were writing you a fairy tale, this is where I would conjure an image of fighting a fire breathing dragon, he’s right behind you, coming right up on your heels, do you feel him there? Feel him about ready to turn you to ashes with his firey breath? What if all you had to do was stop and turn around and spit right in his face, what if that’s all it took to put out his fire?
THAT is what I mean by success! That life altering, ass kicking, adrenaline pumping moment when we realize our own power! Holy shit! Do you know what else besides fairy tale dragons can make you feel that way? Public speech classes, oh yes, if you are anything like me your skin probably just prickled at the slightest thought of giving a speech in front of people, right? But get up and give that speech like you don’t have a fear in the world, deliver it with real passion, be about what you want them to hear and know; and in that moment when they laugh with you, and you see them nodding their head because they know exactly what you’re saying, a transformation happens because you feel your own power. I damn near cried that semester when I saw that I had to take a public speaking class as a mandatory credit, but day after day I told myself that those dreams that kept coming to me about being in front of crowds of women speaking very confidently could not happen if I didn’t allow myself to fully step into my own light. That sounds a bit conceited and dripping with ego, I know but it couldn’t be farther from what it is. I wasn’t born to be meek and timid, I just wasn’t made that way, I was born a strong woman who would endure struggles and understand hardship so that as I traveled down my life’s path, I would know humbleness and be able to recognize beauty. Life teaches me about gratitude everyday that I am blessed enough to get out of bed and live it, and I am the most grateful for the times that I have had to really see what I am made of.
Someone told me once that diamonds are created from immense pressure; he said, they don’t just come out all beautiful and sparkly, they are created! I see it all as coming down to 2 choices; either I will be crushed by all of the opinions, the criticisms and the skeptics who spit them, or I will find my own center, that place where my Higher Power plugs into me and I will shine like the diamond I am, and I will radiate light not darkness from within me, and in so doing, I will continually reach for that higher shelf in life.
I’ve gained things that no one can take away from me; I’ve learned things that no book could have taught me and I did it all by getting brought to my knees, knocked on my ass and kicked in the face, but in between all of that; I have been loved so deeply and so spiritually and protected by the Grace of God every step of the way, with each weapon that was set down on my path. Let no weapon be formed against me….
©2012.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved.
My father didn't tell me how to live;
he lived, and let me watch him do it.
~ Clarence B. Kelland ~
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