Christian Grey had 50 shades according to his adoring lover and friend, Ana; so it left me wondering about my own shades; how many do I have? At first, I imagined a ridiculously dangerous number, but then it dawned on me that no matter how many I have, they are all mine, bought and paid for and I own them all proudly; well okay, mostly proudly.
Have you ever thought about the fact that sometimes you can learn the most about yourself by looking at the people you surround yourself with? I am not saying that our friends and associates define who we are, but I am saying that the company we keep can be telling of how we see ourselves without even realizing it. I know that as I look around the different aspects of my life and my friends, that I keep the company of people who keep me humble, people who remind me of my strength, my compassion, my mind or my insecurities, and ultimately each of them plays a vital part because those people that I truly call a “friend” are real ass people, both men and women in my life.
I am and have been loved, adored even, by some of the greatest men I could have the pleasure of knowing, but yet I still find myself alone in the respect of a real substantial relationship and far too many times I have cried myself to sleep as I wallow in my own self pity because of it; but when the fog is wiped clean and the truth is set free, I have finally figured out why…
I am a woman of many shades, a creature full of emotion and intensity and I ride the roller coaster of them all on a day to day basis; I am admittedly moody and crass at times, or “stinging” if you will, but I don’t make a person wonder where I, or they, stand. I am strong willed and stubborn, and very much with a mind of my own. It takes a special kind of man to be in my world that way; hell, it takes a special kind of PERSON to be in my world that way! Sometimes I think knowing all of my colors and aspects is almost too much for most people, I just frustrate most people because they don’t want to have to work at anything, they want it easily and I play hard to get for awhile. Like a child, I test the waters to see how hard they will work, how consistent can they be in my life. It takes a special breed to love me and I cherish those people when I find them; but one thing that remains a constant always is that under all of the fluctuating aspects of my personality, I genuinely care about people and how I affect them, whether it be a fleeting passerby or someone who creates a niche’ in my world more deeply and permanently, because at the end of each day I am the one who will answer for what I gift to the universe that day, be it positive or negative, so I try to remain mindful of the choices I make and the wake I leave on the water of life.
©2012.NOVEMBERGOLD.All Rights Reserved.
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